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Sometimes spouses are hesitant to come to counseling because they fear it will be about blaming them, that counseling is just talking and therefore not worth the money, or that the unhappiness is an individual's problem and therefore only the spouse with the complaint needs the counseling.  It is helpful for me to clarify what counseling is and how it can help.  Even reluctant spouses will acknowledge the marriage isn't all it could be and that they aren't happy with how things have turned out.

I approach counseling from a systemic perspective.  That means that when I do marriage counseling, I view my client as the marriage.  I am not looking for which individual is to blame.  I am looking for patterns in the marriage that prevent closeness and connecting from occurring.  Therefore, the conversations have direction and purpose.  I direct a process where the three of us together figure out what has happened to prevent the closeness, how to heal from past hurts and how to create a marriage you both want.

If your spouse is hesitant to come to counseling, it’s important you are very direct with them about how serious you view your marital problems, especially if you have been considering separation or divorce. Don’t wait until bitterness destroys all desire you have to work on the marriage. If your spouse has concerns or questions about me, I encourage them to call me directly. I’m more than happy to speak with prospective clients and answer any of their questions.