Rob Curwen, LMFT

Sometimes partners are hesitant to come to counseling because they fear it will be about blaming them, that counseling is just talking and therefore not worth the money, or that the unhappiness in the relationship is an individual's problem and therefore only the partner with the complaint needs the counseling.  It is helpful for me to clarify what counseling is and how it can help.  Even reluctant partners will acknowledge the relationship isn't all it could be and that they aren't happy with how things have turned out. Not only that, both partners deserve representation in the counseling sessions.

I approach counseling from a systemic perspective.  That means that when I do couple's counseling, I view my client as the couple's relationship.  I am not looking for which individual is to blame.  I am looking for patterns in the relationship that prevent closeness and connection. Therefore, the conversations have direction and purpose.  I direct a process where the three of us together figure out what has happened to prevent the closeness, how to heal from past hurts and how to create a relationship you both want.

If your partner is hesitant to come to counseling, it’s important you are very direct with them about how serious you view your relationship problems, especially if you have been considering breaking up, separation or divorce. Don’t wait until bitterness and resentment destroy all desire you have to work on the marriage. If your partner has concerns or questions about me or counseling, I encourage them to call me directly. I’m more than happy to speak with prospective clients and answer any of their questions.